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Being able to express yourself assertively is quite important if you want to succeed in life and feel that you are in control. In contrast, a passive behaviour may reduce your self-esteem and make you feel incapable of handling other people who might be aggressive towards you. In this article, the nature of assertive communication is explored and a number of guidelines on verbal and non-verbal assertiveness are presented.

Assertiveness is About Rights

Everyone has certain rights and should be able to express those rights. Ultimately, assertiveness is about one's ability in express his rights. You have certain rights in just about every situation, be it at the workplace, home or elsewhere. Some of these rights include the following:

• You have the right to own values, beliefs and opinions as you see fit.
• You have the right to tell others how you want to be treated.
• You have the right not to justify your actions or feelings to others.
• You have the right to take the time you need before you express yourself as you intend to do so.
• You have the right to say "No", "I don't know", "I don't understand" and "I don't care"
• You have the right to ask for help without feeling negative about yourself
• You have the right to make mistakes
• You have the right to change your mind
• You have the right to make decisions subject to your emotions

It is when you don't believe that you have these rights that you start to respond passively. If you allow other people's opinions to affect you and become more important than your own, you are likely to become depressed, feel hurt or even get angry with yourself on how poorly you responded.

How to Express Yourself Assertively Verbally

Assertive communication, in contrast with passive or aggressive communication, is about expressing yourself fairly and with reason. It is about holding your position and supporting yourself without being affected by the emotional aggression. Use the following guidelines to express yourself more assertively:

• Communicate in a calm way without attacking the other person
• Appear confident and calm
• Express your own feelings
• Focus on the outcome and overall objectives rather than winning a debate
• Say "Yes" when you need to and say "No" when you want to
• Hold a positive attitude and avoid being negative
• If you want to give feedback, make sure you deliver as a constructive criticism as opposed to an attack
• Use factual evidence to defend your position without exaggeration of any kind
• Avoid attacking or defending personalities and instead focus on the real issue or concern
• Be happy to defend yourself even if it provokes a conflict
• Be confident that you can handle a conflict if it occurs
• Use "I statements" to focus your statement on how you feel and what you need rather than blaming others
• Use statements such as "I don't" and "I won't" rather than "I can't" or "I shouldn't" to show that you make the decisions and you are in control

How to Express Yourself Assertively Non-Verbally

In conjunction with your verbal stance, you should also use effective body language to complement your verbal assertiveness. Use the following guidelines:

• Do not cross your arm or hold a defensive body language
• Maintain eye contact. Do not look down or appear submissive.
• Stand straight with your chin up. Stay at an even level with the other person.
• Mirror the other person to increase the likelihood of establishing rapport. If the other person sits, sit as well.
• Choose a facial expression that matches what you are saying. If you are angry, you should appear serious. Do not smile or laugh when you are angry about something as the other person would not take you seriously. As obvious as this sounds, many people don't look as serious as they should when being assertive.
• Do not put your hands on your hips as it appears aggressive
• Do not use pointy fingers which is aggressive
• Deliver your statements with a calm voice. Do not raise your voice; instead focus on being fair when you explain yourself. Continue no matter how the other person sounds until the other person matches your voice.

Assertive communication is a skill that requires persistence and practice. You can master the art by attending Assertiveness Skills training. In addition, trainers can also use Assertiveness Skills Training Materials and courseware to setup courses on assertiveness and train others on this important behaviour.

Chelsea Elm is a UK based training consultant. Obtain more training resources on assertiveness from Assertiveness Skills Training Materials. In addition, you can get training resources on Questioning Skills, Creativity Skills, Motivation Skills, Listening Skills, Train the Trainer, Diversity Management, Handling Complaints, Sales Skills, Giving Feedback and many other training resources.

Plastic surgery becomes more widespread among men than women

Hans K. June 9, 2009

Females are not the only vain creatures these days – more and more men are resorting to plastic surgery in a proposal to improve their looks, albeit through artificial and painful means. But while some men are choosing to go under the knife for purely personal or aesthetic reasons, others are taking the leap because they believe it will improve their career professionally – and make them a more powerful – or at least more attractive - force to be reckoned with.

The unfortunate fact is, men desire the similar things that women want: to look younger, fitter and thinner, with regular, even features and a healthy glow. They are starting to recognize that in today’s aggressive market, looking tired and haggard with droopy eyelids, dark circles and a weak chin just will not cut it. And if they have huge boobs and a fat belly to boot – well, forget about becoming a vice president in the firm, let alone the CEO.

It is estimated that the grooming market for men is worth more than $3.5 billion these days, with more and more members of the male species going under the knife for cosmetic reasons. In one study of people of the masculine persuasion carried out by – not surprisingly – a plastic surgeon, it was found that:

* Four percent believed that their level of bodily attractiveness would affect their success on the job, and make them seem more powerful

* 42 percent believed that their career would be made stronger if they could only improve one little thing about their face

* 32 percent thought that looking younger would affect their business performance more positively

Plastic Fantastic

Here is a list of the most common plastic procedures for men, in no specific order:

* Gynecomastia, or Male Breast Reduction. it is estimated that about 15 percent of all men are dissatisfied with the size of their breasts, and now some are finally doing something about it. Men develop man boobs, or moobs, for a range of reasons, including hormonal changes, steroid abuse and being drastically overweight. Surgery to get rid of them sometimes involves a full operation, while on some occasions means utilizing the latest in liposuction combined with laser surgery.

* Eyelid Surgery. Also known as blepharoplasty for men, this procedure can be purely cosmetic, functional or both. It seeks to correct both sagging upper eyelids, as well as puffy bags underneath the eyes. Usually performed under just local anesthesia, it trims away excess fat, muscle and skin, with the remaining bits reattached in a manner that makes the eye area appear younger and more refreshed. The result: tighter, more taut eyelids and smoother under-eye areas.

* Pectoral Enhancement. Men who have tried everything but still maintain a chicken chest are currently relying on pectoral implants to allow them the bosoms they have always dreamed of. If no amount of exercise and diet has made your chest appear less than concave, your surgeon can insert implants made of silicone directly underneath the chest muscle to make the area seem more filled out. Requires general anesthesia and an overnight hospital stay – much like a boob job (ED: what’s the difference then?).

* Nose Job, aka Rhinoplasty. Carried out using a local or general anesthetic, depending on what needs to be done and individual preference, this is an out-patient procedure which can significantly influence a person’s looks. Costs will vary though the broad majority of men who opt for this op say it is money well spent. Men can have rhinoplasty from the age of 15, girls from age 13 (that is when their nose stops growing, evidently!).

* Liposuction. This form of weight loss involves using a cannula to literally suck the fat from your body. In men, problem areas are generally the breasts, love handles, tummy, thighs and neck. Tiny incisions are made so the great majority of folk, if not all, will not actually notice you have had the procedure done. Some men even have it done on their backs…

* Hair Transplants. Many guys think that nothing makes them look less tough than a lack of hair. Male pattern baldness affects a great many men, so if you can not stand your head resembling a ping pong ball, this could be the treatment of choice. it is fairly simple: your surgeon will take “donor” hair from the sides or back of your scalp, then surgically insert them in the bald patches, where it will probably begin to grow. Then again, you could simply purchase a stylish hat…

* Chin and Jawline Augmentation Surgery. Nothing spells out weakness more in a man than having a weak chin – or so proponents of chin surgery would have us believe. As a firm chin and jawline are considered signs of a “real” man, many men try to correct theirs when they fall flat (or rounded, flabby and soft). Surgery consists of varying types of chin implants which make your jaw more angled and square.

* Penis Extension Surgery. If slicing through the penile ligament sounds appealing, this is the operation for you. This operation, also known as phalloplasty or male enhancement surgery, does not actually make your member more massive, it simply makes it dangle lower. You may prefer a different – and considerably more invasive - procedure where fat from another part of your body is injected into your Johnson to raise its girth. Ouch!

Non-Invasive Cosmetic Treatments for Men

Apart from full-on surgery, men are also investing in less invasive cosmetic operations to look better. it is estimated that about one-seventh of all Botox anti-wrinkle injections are done on men, and guys are also jumping on the injectable filler band-wagon, to smooth out wrinkle lines and plump up lips. In fact, the American Academy of Facial and Plastic Surgery reckons that between 2000 and 2007 there was 91 percent hike in the amount of men non-surgical facial enhancements.

Men make up 20 percent of all laser hair removal procedures as well, according to statistics. They are getting to grips with unwanted hair in more ways as well, with male waxing salons becoming better and more common to make chests, buttocks and backs sleek and smooth. Pretty hands and feet are no longer a woman-only domain either: the number of male manicures and pedicures are on the rise, among men of all sexual orientations, and hair salons for men are frequently a lot more than the simple barbershop of Andy Griffith’s day.

If you want a bit of plastic surgery, it does not matter if you are a guy or woman – what matters is that you have reasonable expectations and get a qualified, Board-certified surgeon in whom you have absolute trust. But if you believe that changing your appearance will drastically alter your life, think again. Beauty is merely skin deep; in the long run, the oomph behind the front is generally more important.

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Puppy being food aggressive?

I have an almost 13 week old GSD puppy and the two weeks I've had him, I haven't had any real trouble with him being aggressive with his food. He would, however, scarf his food faster when I stuck my hand in his bowl. This morning, though, my boyfriend fed him and just out of curiosity stuck his hand in Ruger's bowl and petted his chin a little to see what he would do. He didn't bite, but he snarled and bared his teeth.
I know this is NOT good.He needs to understand he's not the alpha and that food guarding is unacceptable. I know as young as he is, it can easily be fixed. But I'd like to know how to do that as "naturally" and non-harshly as possible. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

when he does that, take the food away. make him sit and then make him eat from your hand. this is not an acceptable behavior for any dog.

Raoul Moat: Police were just 2ft away when he shot himself
The final stand-off: Raoul Moat jams a sawn-off shotgun under his chin as marksmen close in on him. Police were just two feet away when he pulled the trigger.

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